How to lose friends and alienate people

NYC Street Fair and Parade Guide

By Chris London, Esq.

Since the weather is getting nicer, the sun is out a ittle longer, I created this handy friendly guide of permissible activities for public gatherings in the coming months around the metropolis.

 
Guide to Permissible activities

•   Puerto Rican Day Parade:
  Bring your hibatchiand BBQ on 5th Avenue. While a few of you may want to try to avoid people who look like Customs & Immigration officials, have no fears. Those curious onlookers with the look of horror on their face are simply "white people" except that one guy standing next to Jennifer Lopez, speaking Spanish. No, its not Mark Anthony. If you need to know, its Mayor Bloomberg.
  

• St. Patricks Day Parade:
  When your tank is full of green beer, empty it along 5th Avenue or an appropriate side street, upon which find a pub and refill your tank.
  
  
•   Gay Pride Parade:
  Do things scantily clad with a member of the same sex as you are dressed for a Calvin Klein underwear ad, a locker room scene out of a gay porn movie or a Broadway show (i.e., see Kelsey Grammer in La Cage aux folles on Broadway), along the Avenue. Occasionally, go on TV or engage other elements of the mass media outing historical figures who were "likely" gay so that you can tie your movement to him. But always refrain from claiming inconvenient folks like mass murderers, rapists and other sociopaths. Think about it, Bernie Madoff is probably gay now too, for at least part of the time.  Focus on folks like Abe Lincoln and Rock Hudson, not Liberace or Richard Simmons.
  
• Street Fairs:
  Take things you have of curious value, which most people also own like underwear, socks, t-shirts, umbrella's and assorted tchotkes and set them up on a table outside, preferably next to a guy cooking street meat, a lemonade stand and a fried dough with sugar stand. Walk around and pretend you have tremendous interest in the offerings.
  
  
•   Muslims on Madison Avenue (see here):
  STOP, hold up traffic and have hundreds of your followers bow and pray in Commercial and residential districts regularly.
  Then during the Christmas season when a Christmas Tree is put up or nativity season is displayed, express your indignation and out rage.
  

If I have offended you, that's too bad because actually ALL of you offend me every year of my life as a New Yorker and have had to deal with the so called "appeasement of your rights"

Enough already. Take it inside!

Chris London, Esg. is a New York City based lawyer, activist, writer and founder of ManhattanSociety.com, a 501 (c) (3) conduit; a free press vehicle for essential New York Charity and Culture.   Sheepshead Bay High School 1980. Boston University, B.A., Economics with High Honors, 1984. University of Pennsylvania Law School, J.D., 1987.