Who is to Blame?

We often say that an alcoholic’s problems with drinking are their battle. That is true to a point. Yes, they have choices with getting help, especially when they go into substance abuse rehabilitation centers countless times with doctors, counselors and family wanting to help them. If they reached for recovery, they could walk away with a healthier life.

It’s sad and hard for me to say that my daughter, Lori, fit into that category. My heart is divided with the right side saying, ‘I did the best that I could at the time with what I knew.’ The left part of my heart, where all my love is stored, will never forgive myself for not doing more.

Lori had three chances at alcoholic rehabs to crave the desire, more than anything else in life, to get out of her denial and give up drinking. Today, I’m more educated with what happened to her physically, emotionally and her loss of spiritual growth. I wish I could turn the clocks back, but I can’t.

It’s heartbreaking to have realized after her death how sick she had been. We never should have left her alone to “reach rock bottom” thinking she’d dig her way out. She had reached the point of being too addicted to fight this disease on her own. This action resulted in her death.

I can’t help being angry and bitter with doctors who kept giving Lori pills for her nerves, so she could sleep, to relieve pain, and the list can go on with the repeated refills with no regards how they were slowing killing her and making her dependent on them. Didn’t they stop and say, “This patient has been on these pills too long.” Shouldn’t a bell have gone off? Would they have taken notice more closely if it had been one of their family members?

Do you think they acted any different than the drug dealers and people who help underage children get alcohol without realizing it? Don’t you think this should have been the number one thing to notice when they filled her prescriptions after a second, third or tenth time? There are so many professionals abusing someone else’s body and taking their lives for the glory of money or not noticing something that should have been handled professionally. We go to doctors and counselors with confidence that they will help us.

Lori’s counselors told us how serious her liver damage had been and the need for a 90 day long term inpatient recovery for her survival. After two years, she had finally signed herself in for the long stay. In two weeks, they gave her a choice to leave for a halfway home instead of completing her three month program. She died eight months later. It was her last chance to recover.

There are police officers who stop a driver for drunk driving to only realize that it's a friend or family member, and they let them off with a warning. Arresting them is safer and chance to open their eyes to their addiction.

A judge continues to let repeated drunk drivers off with a slap on the hand until they kill someone.

So many involved become enablers in an addicts life. Families need to make decisions for the sick, no matter how old they are under the Patient Privacy Act.

Has anyone else been in this situation with their loved one?

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